Get Rid of the Dead Squirrel!

While washing dishes the other day, I was gazing out my back window, enjoying the view. There was fresh snow on the ground (side note - there is always fresh snow on the ground this winter), the dog was frolicking in the powder, and it was a beautiful day.

Suddenly, there was a flash of brown tail and a flurry of snow in the air. I realized that my loveable Labradoodle was "playing" with a squirrel. Now, mind you, playing in Coco's realm means biting, picking up, throwing, and biting again.

I was falling all over myself, yelling at the closed glass sliding door, and pulling on my snow boots to get out there and stop her. I'm sure my entire block of neighbors could hear me yelling at the dog to "Put down that squirrel, NOW!" I had to chase her through the yard before I could force her into the house.

But, alas, it was too late.

The poor, injured squirrel attempted to climb the tree, but continued to fall time and time again until he finally just decided to half bury himself in the drift near the roots. I kept glancing out the window to see if he was still moving. It was a sad, pitiful story.

Brady was cooking dinner that night, so he mentioned that I should just grab a shovel and scoop it up - throwing it over the back fence so the dog (still waiting at the sliding door to finish the job) wouldn't have a heyday with the carcass.

No way, was my thought. I didn't want to touch that thing, let alone go near it. Besides, I was afraid if I scooped it up it wouldn't exactly be dead, and then what? So I continued to wash dishes while Brady diced vegetables and made some stir fry.

I couldn't take my eyes off that squirrel. It was really rather obsessive. I would walk past the window and glance that direction, pretending to do something meaningful in the general backyard direction. I knew my family was smirking, just waiting for me to do something about that squirrel. I just thought I would wait until Brady finished dinner - I knew he would eventually take care of it.

After continuous whining from the dog, I figured I should do something. The squirrel hadn't moved for some time, so I grabbed the shovel and headed into dead squirrel-ville.

I knew Brady and Kayden were watching me. To be safe, I shoveled up some snow and threw it on the squirrel to see if he would move or try and attack me. I was sure it was rabid - or at least angry because our dog had maimed him.

I looked back to the glass door to see Brady with a confused look on his face. He mouthed, Are you trying to bury it?

Finally I pushed the shovel toward the squirrel and as far away from my body as possible. I managed to scoop him up, but his gi-hug-ic (gigantic and huge together) tail was swinging off the shovel precariously, threatening to topple him off and toward my thighs. I continued this balancing act until I reached the back fence.

I mustered all my balance and strength, finally catapulting him into backyard purgatory (that place between the fences where all the weeds grow and no one mows). Now the battle weary squirrel has found his resting place. Maybe I'll see him in heaven and he'll thank me for my heroic deed.

But here's the weird part.

As I was walking back to the house, proud of my bravery, God started talking to me about getting rid of dead squirrels (yes, I know - you don't want to take a ride in my brain - not even for a few seconds).

When Brady and I were going through our fast, God talked to me specifically about food and the idol it had become in my life. As I let the shower water pelt my skin one day, He told me I had to choose. Was He ALL I needed or what?


So what does that have to do with the dead squirrel?

God told me we ALL have dead squirrels in our lives. They are sitting in our back yards. We KNOW we need to get rid of them. They are stinking things up. But we eye it, watch it, find excuses to keep it, try to find the good in leaving it there.

With all the diets I was trying, I was trying to keep my dead squirrel. I was trying to eat my heart out, still content with keeping it around. I was not going to throw it out. That was TOO BIG of a step. Because if I threw it out, then what? What would I do, then?

The drastic food choices I have made in my life are in no way the convictions I expect of everyone, but I have to testify to the GLORY of what has happened. I have lost 30 pounds (and counting), I go to the gym 5 days a week, I concentrate on clean eating. And letting go of all those preservatives has healed my body.

Those who have known me a long time know that egg based rich foods have always caused me so much pain that I am pretty much out for the day. I have been eating eggs regularly since the fast with no side effects. I also had very painful plantar fasciitis in my feet. It is gone - whether due to the weight loss or the detox, but either way, I am healthier than I've ever been.

God called me to get rid of the dead squirrel already. And it was not an easy path. It was painful and I fought it in the beginning. But if we would just realize He wants the best for us, we'd understand that keeping that dead squirrel around is doing NOTHING for us. It may seem like something we could stuff and keep in the living room as a pet, but it's not. It's hurting us - and He wants us to just LET IT GO. Stop holding on to it - it's not worth it in the long run.

So whether your dead squirrel is food, control, addiction, grief, lack of forgiveness - whatever it is, You know what He's asking you. Just do it. Get rid of it. He's waiting for you to give it up. And then He'll REALLY show you His glory.

And if God can speak to me through a dead squirrel, He can certainly do miracles for you.

Day 25

I must admit, when all this began, I was less than excited. My flesh crawled with carnal desires to do what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted. Although it was essentially my choice, everything in me didn't want to relinquish control. My brain was full of all the things I wanted. I was overwhelmed with the thought of losing this love in my life. Every single tempting desire was raining down and I couldn't make it stop.

And it was all about food.

Near the end of December, as Christmas was winding down and we were headed into the New Year, my husband and I were praying about something radical the Lord wanted us to do. We discussed it, prayed, consulted our Bibles - but it was extremely obvious and there was no getting away from it.

We were going to fast. But not just for a couple days or a week. It was going to be 40 days.

I must admit (as I always try to be completely transparent) my husband was much more willing than I to jump into this feet first - and he was doing a water only fast. I prayed and decided on a juice fast - juicing vegetables and fruits twice a day for 40 days.

This fast had nothing to do with weight or health. I really just felt the Lord telling me that He wanted me to sacrifice - to be desperate for Him in new ways that I never had before. My soul was kicking and screaming all the way to the starting line. I didn't know HOW I was going to get through this. And boy, did I want cheese (see my previous post about my love of cheese and you'll understand).

I knew we were on the brink of an adventure - I just had no idea how amazing the adventure would be. I felt like I was staring over the edge of a deep, dark precipice - and He was asking me to jump.

After consulting with our doctor and taking a week to detox from caffeine and sugar, January 1 came and everything began. The first few days were not easy. My stomach rumbled and my tongue became coated with an unwanted yeast detox sort of fuzzy film. My body ached and my head hurt.

Everything around me was about food.

Billboards, restaurants, everywhere we would go people were planning, talking, discussing, critiquing, gossiping, wanting - FOOD. It was like a screaming neon sign that was hiding behind my glasses and kept blinking over and over and over. I could not get away from it no matter how hard I tried.

After day 5, the hunger began to relent. My body felt stronger, healthier than ever. I was spending deep time in the Word. And it was if all that food had clogged my ears, because I was really listening to the Lord. He had a lot to say. And boy, was I learning.

The big learning curve arrived Day 25. And of all places, in the shower. I think God knows we're a captive audience there. Not much else to distract us as the water washes us clean.

I was praying and meditating about the fast, and I knew God was getting ready to lower the boom. He wanted me to change much more than 40 days. He wanted me to change my life.

As I lay in the tub, the water pelting my skin, I could mentally feel myself pushing back. He was telling me about my addiction to food - the way it permeated my existence, filled my brain, clogged my ears - kept me from hearing.

It is easy to compartmentalize our lives. The spiritual man, the physical man, the mental man. We don't see food addiction as sin - we see it as a "habit," or "weight issue." But God was telling me that food was more important than He was in my life.

And I didn't like it.

He spoke to me more clearly than I had heard Him before. If I couldn't give up fast food, what was that saying about putting my needs before His commands? If I was going to fight for cheese, how much was I fighting the good fight? Why was I separating the physical from the spiritual? Because ALL OF ME belongs to Him - and if anything causes that carnal nature to rise up then it's not good.

Now, the choices I have been asked to make are in no way the choices I expect all His followers to make. The Lord convicts individually - in each heart - when we are ready.

But it was definitely my time.

And although this fast started out having nothing to do with food, God has pointed a blazing red arrow at the way I have made food royalty in my life. He is working on me. And I realize all those years of dieting and struggling had not much to do with the diets I chose, but more to do with my heart.

Over the past 40 days, my body has detoxed, but my heart has had an overhaul. What a beautiful redesigning of the heart's interior that has taken place! And I can't wait for what is on the next leg of my journey.

Food is a spiritual struggle - a stronghold that has held on to me for a long time. It is easy to replace hurt, pain, weakness, desire, disappointment - with food. But He is showing me that nothing can replace HIM, and when I put Him on the throne in my life, nothing else should matter.

He asked me that day in the shower, "Am I ALL you need, Carrie?" It fell on me like a ton of bricks. He IS all I need. But I will have to rely on Him daily to give me the strength to make that happen. It can't happen in my own strength, that's for sure.

Just a few more days until the fast is over - but if I had only known what kind of amazing adventure it would be - I don't think I would have kicked and screamed - at least not as much.