Remi

She spent her life chasing her father's love.

If she was good
(maybe he wouldn't put me in
      scalding water when I wet the bed).

If she was better
(maybe he wouldn't kick me
      OVER and OVER and OVER
           in the stomach with his boots).

If she was worthy of his love
(he wouldn't bust my lip or
            throw my brother through a wall or
                        hold my baby brother over
                               a burning stove).

If only her mother
            her brother
           
If only she

            could learn.

Her name is Nigerian for
        "God brought  goodwill to her father when she was born."

When she found out
what her name meant
she realized
(God is disappointed in me because
          I am not doing what He put me
                  on this earth to do:  bring goodwill to my
                           father).

She kept trying
tryingtryingtryingtryingtryingtrying
to make him happy.

She was running a crazy
crazycrazycrazycrazycrazycrazycrazy
race.

She isolated.
She allowed him to rule her.
She attempted safe.
(By myself I am safe from all other people in the world
               like my dad who would hurt me).

Then
God
brought
her
Jesus
with
skin
on.

This woman had something she wanted.
(I saw a light in her I didn't posses).

She
found
more
people
like
Jesus.

For the first time in her life
     (I was embraced by people who didn't expect anything
                 in return).

For the first time in her life
     (I was given love freely, I didn't have to work at all).

For the first time in her life
     (I began to allow love to affect me
                                             change me
                                             stretch who I
                 THOUGHT I WAS).

She didn't deserve it.
No one does.
God reached the deepest part of her
brokenness and said,
"This is my love for you.
I give it to you.
Freely embrace me as I embrace you."

She left her father's grip
and crawled in the hands of her Father.

Her name:
Zainabu OluRemi Adetula.

God will use her to bring goodwill
to the nations.