Day 25

I must admit, when all this began, I was less than excited. My flesh crawled with carnal desires to do what I wanted, when I wanted, and how I wanted. Although it was essentially my choice, everything in me didn't want to relinquish control. My brain was full of all the things I wanted. I was overwhelmed with the thought of losing this love in my life. Every single tempting desire was raining down and I couldn't make it stop.

And it was all about food.

Near the end of December, as Christmas was winding down and we were headed into the New Year, my husband and I were praying about something radical the Lord wanted us to do. We discussed it, prayed, consulted our Bibles - but it was extremely obvious and there was no getting away from it.

We were going to fast. But not just for a couple days or a week. It was going to be 40 days.

I must admit (as I always try to be completely transparent) my husband was much more willing than I to jump into this feet first - and he was doing a water only fast. I prayed and decided on a juice fast - juicing vegetables and fruits twice a day for 40 days.

This fast had nothing to do with weight or health. I really just felt the Lord telling me that He wanted me to sacrifice - to be desperate for Him in new ways that I never had before. My soul was kicking and screaming all the way to the starting line. I didn't know HOW I was going to get through this. And boy, did I want cheese (see my previous post about my love of cheese and you'll understand).

I knew we were on the brink of an adventure - I just had no idea how amazing the adventure would be. I felt like I was staring over the edge of a deep, dark precipice - and He was asking me to jump.

After consulting with our doctor and taking a week to detox from caffeine and sugar, January 1 came and everything began. The first few days were not easy. My stomach rumbled and my tongue became coated with an unwanted yeast detox sort of fuzzy film. My body ached and my head hurt.

Everything around me was about food.

Billboards, restaurants, everywhere we would go people were planning, talking, discussing, critiquing, gossiping, wanting - FOOD. It was like a screaming neon sign that was hiding behind my glasses and kept blinking over and over and over. I could not get away from it no matter how hard I tried.

After day 5, the hunger began to relent. My body felt stronger, healthier than ever. I was spending deep time in the Word. And it was if all that food had clogged my ears, because I was really listening to the Lord. He had a lot to say. And boy, was I learning.

The big learning curve arrived Day 25. And of all places, in the shower. I think God knows we're a captive audience there. Not much else to distract us as the water washes us clean.

I was praying and meditating about the fast, and I knew God was getting ready to lower the boom. He wanted me to change much more than 40 days. He wanted me to change my life.

As I lay in the tub, the water pelting my skin, I could mentally feel myself pushing back. He was telling me about my addiction to food - the way it permeated my existence, filled my brain, clogged my ears - kept me from hearing.

It is easy to compartmentalize our lives. The spiritual man, the physical man, the mental man. We don't see food addiction as sin - we see it as a "habit," or "weight issue." But God was telling me that food was more important than He was in my life.

And I didn't like it.

He spoke to me more clearly than I had heard Him before. If I couldn't give up fast food, what was that saying about putting my needs before His commands? If I was going to fight for cheese, how much was I fighting the good fight? Why was I separating the physical from the spiritual? Because ALL OF ME belongs to Him - and if anything causes that carnal nature to rise up then it's not good.

Now, the choices I have been asked to make are in no way the choices I expect all His followers to make. The Lord convicts individually - in each heart - when we are ready.

But it was definitely my time.

And although this fast started out having nothing to do with food, God has pointed a blazing red arrow at the way I have made food royalty in my life. He is working on me. And I realize all those years of dieting and struggling had not much to do with the diets I chose, but more to do with my heart.

Over the past 40 days, my body has detoxed, but my heart has had an overhaul. What a beautiful redesigning of the heart's interior that has taken place! And I can't wait for what is on the next leg of my journey.

Food is a spiritual struggle - a stronghold that has held on to me for a long time. It is easy to replace hurt, pain, weakness, desire, disappointment - with food. But He is showing me that nothing can replace HIM, and when I put Him on the throne in my life, nothing else should matter.

He asked me that day in the shower, "Am I ALL you need, Carrie?" It fell on me like a ton of bricks. He IS all I need. But I will have to rely on Him daily to give me the strength to make that happen. It can't happen in my own strength, that's for sure.

Just a few more days until the fast is over - but if I had only known what kind of amazing adventure it would be - I don't think I would have kicked and screamed - at least not as much.